None. Save maybe dyin'. Or waitin' to see if you're called home. [ He frowns thoughtfully. ] I know some who have gone like that. Just up and disappeared one day, same way we all arrived I guess.
[ He lifts his gaze back to Kurt, figuring he knows pretty well what his friend is probably wondering about. ]
They've got things here that can take away our powers. Drugs. Tech. And they don't hesitate to use 'em. I pissed their enforcement off and sat in a cell for two weeks like a goddamn bump on a log, couldn't even think about usin' my claws. And they can do worse than that.
[ He looks down at his beer, not wanting to meet those lambent golden eyes for this or see the pity or compassion there. ]
Once I was done stewin' in jail, their scientists had a go with me. Pumped me full of their drugs, turned me into some.. mindless animal, driven by need. Set me on some innocent kids. They filmed the whole thing and let everyone here watch.
[ He glances up, briefly, to meet Kurt's gaze, his expression taut with carefully checked rage and self-loathing, then looks away again. He wouldn't tell anyone else about this, not willingly, but Kurt has seen the darkest parts of him so many times, and has always managed to keep coming back. He's a little surprised to find how much he needs that; how much he's missed it. ]
After that they put a cuff on me. If I touched the wrong person, someone who wasn't submissive, it shot me fulla pain until I blacked out and went rogue. Happened a couple of times. I came damn close to killin' people I care about the second time. That lasted for a month.
[ Letting out a breath, he shoves his hands into his hair, frustrated and tense. ]
Elf, all these months in Krakoa, since I came back.. I thought I was past this. Thought I'd finally found a way out, finally made peace with what I am. But a few months here and it's all gone down the fuckin' drain. They've found somethin' inside me, some button they can push, and it's workin' too damn well.
cw: dub con ref
[ He lifts his gaze back to Kurt, figuring he knows pretty well what his friend is probably wondering about. ]
They've got things here that can take away our powers. Drugs. Tech. And they don't hesitate to use 'em. I pissed their enforcement off and sat in a cell for two weeks like a goddamn bump on a log, couldn't even think about usin' my claws. And they can do worse than that.
[ He looks down at his beer, not wanting to meet those lambent golden eyes for this or see the pity or compassion there. ]
Once I was done stewin' in jail, their scientists had a go with me. Pumped me full of their drugs, turned me into some.. mindless animal, driven by need. Set me on some innocent kids. They filmed the whole thing and let everyone here watch.
[ He glances up, briefly, to meet Kurt's gaze, his expression taut with carefully checked rage and self-loathing, then looks away again. He wouldn't tell anyone else about this, not willingly, but Kurt has seen the darkest parts of him so many times, and has always managed to keep coming back. He's a little surprised to find how much he needs that; how much he's missed it. ]
After that they put a cuff on me. If I touched the wrong person, someone who wasn't submissive, it shot me fulla pain until I blacked out and went rogue. Happened a couple of times. I came damn close to killin' people I care about the second time. That lasted for a month.
[ Letting out a breath, he shoves his hands into his hair, frustrated and tense. ]
Elf, all these months in Krakoa, since I came back.. I thought I was past this. Thought I'd finally found a way out, finally made peace with what I am. But a few months here and it's all gone down the fuckin' drain. They've found somethin' inside me, some button they can push, and it's workin' too damn well.