[ The truth has not set Irving free: he's still right here in the exact same uncomfortable, unthinkable position as he's been, he doesn't feel any better, lighter, more unburdened, for having spoken as frankly as he just did--
But he also doesn't feel any worse for it. Later, maybe, but not now. Whether this is of any comfort to him or not is something he is choosing to leave unexamined.
His eyes close for a moment, lips pursed and expression vaguely pained, heart indeed pounding as loud as drums in his ears, but then again he looks over, gaze holding onto Jack's.
The guise works: as Irving watches Jack observing him, the hesitation with which the man bites his lip, leans in closer, Irving believes that Jack could also be, himself, struggling with the same temptations at this moment. He reaches his hand over and rests it over Jack's for a few seconds -- a gesture meant not erotically, but consolatory -- and then draws it back slowly, not so much because of Jack's words but because Irving feels genuinely torn with indecision. Restraint and beliefs and everything else aside, it's true that there is still always the quota to consider, and as a lieutenant, part of Irving's job is to make decisions based from wisdom and practicality more so than from the heart.
And he knows, too, that he couldn't be tempted in the first place by something he didn't, on some level, want. ]
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But he also doesn't feel any worse for it. Later, maybe, but not now. Whether this is of any comfort to him or not is something he is choosing to leave unexamined.
His eyes close for a moment, lips pursed and expression vaguely pained, heart indeed pounding as loud as drums in his ears, but then again he looks over, gaze holding onto Jack's.
The guise works: as Irving watches Jack observing him, the hesitation with which the man bites his lip, leans in closer, Irving believes that Jack could also be, himself, struggling with the same temptations at this moment. He reaches his hand over and rests it over Jack's for a few seconds -- a gesture meant not erotically, but consolatory -- and then draws it back slowly, not so much because of Jack's words but because Irving feels genuinely torn with indecision. Restraint and beliefs and everything else aside, it's true that there is still always the quota to consider, and as a lieutenant, part of Irving's job is to make decisions based from wisdom and practicality more so than from the heart.
And he knows, too, that he couldn't be tempted in the first place by something he didn't, on some level, want. ]
What are you suggesting?