Predictability has always been Akutagawa's biggest weakness. It's why Dazai could so easily play him as a pawn whenever he needed to. His desperation for Dazai's approval makes him easy to manipulate, so much so that even Atsushi has figured it out. It works on the battlefield as much as it works here.
He always has a habit of saying more than he means to around Atsushi. He's so unwilling to admit a weakness that even most of the mafia doesn't realize how bad off he's gotten. When he speaks, he regrets it instantly. "I'll find a doctor."
He doesn't want to. Back home, he could trust the mafia doctor, but here, he had no reason to trust anyone. If it got out that he isn't as strong as he wants people to believe, he's not sure he'd be able to handle it. What if Dazai showed up? He already exists in a world where Dazai isn't proud of him; giving him more of a reason not to be is unthinkable.
He already feels that the only thing Dazai sees him as good for is supporting Atsushi. If it turns out Akutagawa can't even do that, then what worth does he have?
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He always has a habit of saying more than he means to around Atsushi. He's so unwilling to admit a weakness that even most of the mafia doesn't realize how bad off he's gotten. When he speaks, he regrets it instantly. "I'll find a doctor."
He doesn't want to. Back home, he could trust the mafia doctor, but here, he had no reason to trust anyone. If it got out that he isn't as strong as he wants people to believe, he's not sure he'd be able to handle it. What if Dazai showed up? He already exists in a world where Dazai isn't proud of him; giving him more of a reason not to be is unthinkable.
He already feels that the only thing Dazai sees him as good for is supporting Atsushi. If it turns out Akutagawa can't even do that, then what worth does he have?