[Unfortunately for poor Tessa, the person to whom she's kindly offered her newfound 'bounty' happens to be a whiny jackass with a constant chip on his shoulder. Malcolm's brief but visible delight at being approached by a lovely young woman quickly melts into an expression of resigned annoyance.]

Yeah, very funny. You know what? I have absolutely no problem with gay people. I love the gays! So I'm not actually insulted. In fact, I will take that, just to deprive you of the satisfaction. So, thank you very much for your generous gift. It's everything I ever could've hoped for.

[Except now he's stuck holding a stupid dildo, all for the sake of his pride. Malcolm's hand drops uselessly to his side, toy bobbing obscenely in his fist. Clearly he didn't think this through.]