Ed calling him by his surname is hardly the worst thing he’s said so far, but it still feels like a stab to the gut (a sensation he's more than familiar with by now). But he isn’t wrong. Stede is wasting time, and he well knows Edward’s attention to detail. If he’d said five minutes, he means that exactly.
“Alright. I’ll just… we’ll do it here, then.” He nods, taking a deep breath to bolster his courage. One chance to explain himself and at least start to make things right. No pressure at all.
He starts at the moment Chauncey woke him with a gun to his head, explaining how he’d been walked into the trees. “He wanted revenge for his brother,” he explains, leaving out the rest of the man’s accusations. The way Stede ruins all he touches. His monstrous nature. If he were a better man, he’d not say it so as to not guilt Ed into forgiveness—but really, it’s shame that keeps the words out of his mouth.
“But then he went to shoot, and he… well.” An unfortunate accident, but one that had left Stede free to go wherever he’d like.
Now this is the hard part.
“I knew I had a choice then, and I…” He sighs, the sound uneven, rough with emotion. “When we had made our plan, I should have told you then. I wasn’t as sure of it as you, not by half. I couldn’t stop thinking about Mary. The kids. What might have happened to them, and I knew… I knew you’d be alright without me. Better off, even. So I decided then that I’d go back. Pick up where I left off. So that’s… what I did.” He hurries on, wanting to get to the part that, he hopes, will soften that blow.
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“Alright. I’ll just… we’ll do it here, then.” He nods, taking a deep breath to bolster his courage. One chance to explain himself and at least start to make things right. No pressure at all.
He starts at the moment Chauncey woke him with a gun to his head, explaining how he’d been walked into the trees. “He wanted revenge for his brother,” he explains, leaving out the rest of the man’s accusations. The way Stede ruins all he touches. His monstrous nature. If he were a better man, he’d not say it so as to not guilt Ed into forgiveness—but really, it’s shame that keeps the words out of his mouth.
“But then he went to shoot, and he… well.” An unfortunate accident, but one that had left Stede free to go wherever he’d like.
Now this is the hard part.
“I knew I had a choice then, and I…” He sighs, the sound uneven, rough with emotion. “When we had made our plan, I should have told you then. I wasn’t as sure of it as you, not by half. I couldn’t stop thinking about Mary. The kids. What might have happened to them, and I knew… I knew you’d be alright without me. Better off, even. So I decided then that I’d go back. Pick up where I left off. So that’s… what I did.” He hurries on, wanting to get to the part that, he hopes, will soften that blow.
“But then I…”