Of course it would have been too easy to press pause on this conversation, to give Ed more time to adjust before tackling this other huge thing. Ed wants answers now, and he’s due that much. Stede does look away from that knowing gaze though, needing a breather from it. Those eyes always felt like they could see right through him, like they could cut to the heart of anything. If only that were the case. It would be easier if Ed could just see into his head.

“I didn’t do it then because… I was a coward, that’s why. The things Chauncy said shook me more than they should, and I knew—I thought I knew what I had to do. And I wouldn’t have had the strength to do it if I had stopped to see you first, to be honest. The way you looked when you talked about running away together…” He shakes his head, feeling a bittersweet fondness at the memory of Ed’s smile.

“… but a lot has happened since then. I knew I had to find you again after Barbados, and I was trying to do that before I ended up here instead. I thought we’d never have another chance once that happened. But now we do.” He makes himself look back then, meeting that penetrating gaze. “If that’s something you want.”