Michael flinched at mention of Caulfield. He was past it, but he wasn't sure it'd ever stop being a raw sort of wound when he poked at it.
Michael looked up, jaw ticking as he swallowed. "I've never been able to stop loving you either, even when I tried. And I tried really hard." When Alex was gone, enlisted and out of reach. Again with Maria. But even loving someone else hadn't made him stop loving Alex. And Maria had known that as well as he did. It hadn't been the reason she gave for cutting him loose, not entirely, but he was pretty sure it was as much the reason as her powers.
"I tried to be better for you," Michael said. "The last few months, when you were gone, I tried to ... I don't know. Grow emotionally, or something. But you came back with someone else. And then I'm here, and you've got someone else on your arm, in your bed, more in your past. I'm not mad about it, I'm not saying you shouldn't have or anything. But the way we keep circling and crashing into each other, then going right back to pulled apart - starts to seem like it means something after enough times, doesn't it? Like maybe we're not supposed to make it, no matter how much we want it."
And no, he wasn't mad, not really. He was mad at himself, a little, for being hurt. Because he couldn't manage more than a couple months with Maria before circling back to Alex, had never had any other real relationship in his life. But here, Alex found someone else he loved enough to tattoo his arm. Fell for Valenti. And had been with Michael. Michael wondered if the other him was just a better guy, or if he'd just hidden how it felt to be a piece of the puzzle instead of half of a whole.
Or maybe he was just too damn new to this place to get it. But he felt like an outsider with Alex right now, and that was one thing he never really had felt. They'd been on the outside together, when they were with each other, even if Michael had kept secrets most of the time. "Look, I just need to figure out everything here. I'm still playing catch up." It was a shitty excuse, and he hesitated and then added. "It's probably going to sound like bullshit, but I'm sorry you lost him, whoever he was. I never want you to lose things or people that matter to you, even when I don't get it."
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Michael looked up, jaw ticking as he swallowed. "I've never been able to stop loving you either, even when I tried. And I tried really hard." When Alex was gone, enlisted and out of reach. Again with Maria. But even loving someone else hadn't made him stop loving Alex. And Maria had known that as well as he did. It hadn't been the reason she gave for cutting him loose, not entirely, but he was pretty sure it was as much the reason as her powers.
"I tried to be better for you," Michael said. "The last few months, when you were gone, I tried to ... I don't know. Grow emotionally, or something. But you came back with someone else. And then I'm here, and you've got someone else on your arm, in your bed, more in your past. I'm not mad about it, I'm not saying you shouldn't have or anything. But the way we keep circling and crashing into each other, then going right back to pulled apart - starts to seem like it means something after enough times, doesn't it? Like maybe we're not supposed to make it, no matter how much we want it."
And no, he wasn't mad, not really. He was mad at himself, a little, for being hurt. Because he couldn't manage more than a couple months with Maria before circling back to Alex, had never had any other real relationship in his life. But here, Alex found someone else he loved enough to tattoo his arm. Fell for Valenti. And had been with Michael. Michael wondered if the other him was just a better guy, or if he'd just hidden how it felt to be a piece of the puzzle instead of half of a whole.
Or maybe he was just too damn new to this place to get it. But he felt like an outsider with Alex right now, and that was one thing he never really had felt. They'd been on the outside together, when they were with each other, even if Michael had kept secrets most of the time. "Look, I just need to figure out everything here. I'm still playing catch up." It was a shitty excuse, and he hesitated and then added. "It's probably going to sound like bullshit, but I'm sorry you lost him, whoever he was. I never want you to lose things or people that matter to you, even when I don't get it."