"Matelotage," Stede repeats softly, committing the word to memory. His voice is back to a normal volume though as he answers that question, though he's still feeling caught as ever in Ed's eyes. He loves this look on him. Open curiosity. Of course, he loves all the looks he's seen on Ed, but that's besides the point.

"I was running away from feeling trapped, specifically" he admits, settling back against tub once again. "Forced into a farce of a partnership because that's what I ought to be doing. For propriety. Money. Status." He waves a hand as if dismissing those things outright. "If I'd had the option to pursue it in a different way... with someone I truly cared about, and on my own terms, then..."

He meets Ed's gaze, his own filled with the weight of things unsaid.

"... I may have felt differently."