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duplicitymemes2019-09-12 04:47 pm
duplicitymods) wrote in duplicitymemes2019-09-12 04:47 pm
Entry tags:
TDM #8
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It's discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit. Yet, solace is found in the lies we tell each other, comforted by the peace of knowing that we're not alone in our depravity, and once on this path, sin itself becomes the lesser of two evils masked in a cloud of normalcy. This is how Duplicity has functioned since the beginning. The divide of power and social standing is overt in that Dominants influence the decisions made both publicly and privately while Submissives cater to the rules presented to them. It is the way of Duplicity to assign random designations at birth with no leeway in altering what has been given. Climate in the Up is far stricter than that of the Down; violating outlined personas for a Dominant or Submissive while in full view of others is punished by degree of infraction. In the Down, many tend to turn a blind eye to these sorts of offenses. To counteract the discovery of the Deceit Gene – a natural "negative" response to all stimuli – the L.I.E.S. program was founded. The program had been designed to introduce new subjects to the current environment and test for the Deceit Gene through immersion in Duplicity's standing society. Sexual impulses and encounters increase the chances of detecting the gene within these individuals. Participants are typically released from L.I.E.S. after a year; however, results have remained unsatisfactory and testing still continues. ... and you’re here! Finally! Welcome to Duplicity. After choosing a door and stepping through to the other side, the first thing that greets you are the enthusiastic faces of people in medical scrubs and pristine lab coats. Their enthusiasm translates to eagerness as they strip you of your clothes to perform a thorough examination—you will be healed, bathed, and given a paper gown to wear until your items can be processed and delivered to your residence later in the evening. You are also given a device that accesses the network as well as the time and location of orientation. If you enter Duplicity into the Up, congratulations! You’re a Dominant, which means you are immediately picked up by a limo after processing and taken to your highrise. Here, it is two Dominants per floor with separate apartments. If you enter Duplicity into the Down, congratulations! You’re a Submissive, which means you are directed towards public transportation with the address of the motel you’ll be living in. Here, it is two Submissives per room with a shared common space for all rooms. Enjoy your free time until orientation! Participation is mandatory by all new and old arrivals. The hellish summer heat is finally starting to subside, and the cool breeze suggests autumn is approaching. |
 After stepping through the door and participating in orientation, LIERS are assembled together in the Up for a tour of Duplicity in its entirety. Seats are in pairs and randomly assigned to Dominants and Submissives alike. Traveling from Fiddler's Square, the train journeys through various parts of the Up, showcasing society and examples of lifestyle. Along the way, frequent stops are made; a variety of passengers can be seen exiting and entering the doors. A Dominant with a kneeling Submissive takes a seat near the front of the train at one stop. A small group of Submissives board and sit closer to the LIERS at another, all seemingly content in their roles. As the tour continues through the Up, the train passes close to the Market and White Wall Bridge and zips by North Park before heading into the Down and bypassing Red Wall Bridge and South Park. The train makes a "final" stop at Riddler's Square, where inhabitants of the Down are instructed to return to their temporary housing. Those who live in the Up are permitted to stay on the train and revisit the same locations while returning. |
 The weather’s getting cooler, and people have begun transitioning from summer clothing to the sweaters and jackets of early fall. With jackets come pockets, and with pockets come a bizarre uptick in robberies. Then again, perhaps the correlation is flawed. In the Down, getting robbed is a constant threat. Gangs of street toughs look for lone or inattentive people who look like they’ve got valuables on hand. Uncontracted Submissives are particularly easy to rob, since authorities have little time to bother with a lowly Submissive without a Dominant to advocate for them. One particularly nasty gang of young adult men, the Bulldogs, hangs out near the train, looking to ambush unwary Submissives fresh out of Orientation. They are prone to violent muggings and will simply beat up their target and leave them in a gutter when they’re finished robbing them. In the Up, the streets are nominally safer, but there have been reports of a group of college-aged Submissive women taking advantage of their designation to attack travelers. They, too, stand near the train and the orientation center, looking to seduce passersby into an alley where a group of them can beat and mug their victims, usually Dominants looking to capitalize on their pretty appearances. But you’re truthfully at risk anywhere in the city. The new arrivals are easy targets, and any brazen thief might get the idea to make some quick cash. The authorities are spread too thin to help, but perhaps LIErs can look out for one another? Or they might just get in on the thievery. Everyone’s out for themselves, after all. |
( CW: potential dubcon, drugs, BDSM/sexual torture, prostitution, public use ) Surrounding a large building near the orientation center in the Up, banners and fliers announcing the beginning of the inaugural Duplicity High Tech Sexpo, a trade show for businesses and manufacturers of adult novelties. Since this is the expo’s first year, admission is free and many excited volunteers are handing out vouchers all over the city. These vouchers can be exchanged for goods and services within the expo, but have no monetary value outside of it. Even if you refuse them, you’ll likely find two or three of them tucked into your bag or pocket. Inside the expo hall, there are dozens of booths pitching a variety of entertainments. Many offer interactive demonstrations, showing off their tech for the crowds of interested onlookers. Competition is fierce, and booths try to attract attention and customers through any means necessary. There are private rooms all around the expo for potential customers to try out the products. Booths will also happily accept volunteers for demos, or try to recruit them by bribing them with cash or free samples. There’s a nasty rumor going around that some are recruiting volunteers via more illicit means, like drugging and dressing them up, but surely that’s an exaggeration… Some of the smaller booths sell more traditional toys and accessories: leashes and collars, specialty lubes and massage oils, fetish gear, strap-ons, dildos and vibrators in myriad shapes and sizes, and other basic items. Others advertise apps for the devices, the most notable of which is HUGGR (which LIErs may recognize as a poorly rebuilt sex-themed version of a certain other app.) The closer you get to the big-ticket sponsor booths, the more elaborate and fantastic the products become. One of the most eye-catching demos is for the Climax VR Headset. You and a partner both wear a VR headset, which displays a collaborative virtual scenario. Both partners can alter the setting and surroundings however they like, and any sexual activity conducted in VR transmits real sensations to their bodies. You can come together without ever physically touching. Symphony Hydraulics have a large, loud booth where crowds gather to watch perhaps the most outrageous demo: a variety of fucking machines. Volunteers get stripped, strapped in, and turned on, brought to screaming orgasms in front of the whole crowd. There is a fifteen minute break between demos on each machine, as some poor intern hurriedly washes and sanitizes them between uses. In the interim, they offer smaller, portable versions for sale or rent at the expo. (Some may note that a few of the Symphony Hydraulics staff members look a bit familiar.) Does all this high-tech equipment have you overwhelmed? Wish you could go back to a simpler time? Sir Robert’f Bedroome Provifionf (sic) is helmed by historical reenactor Robert Plum, who has also created his own line of medieval torture device-themed sex toys. Need a chastity belt to keep your Submissive all to yourself? A rack with an attached spreader-bar? An iron maiden with soft vibrating silicone ticklers inside? All the stocks and whips and chains you could ever need? Sir Robert has you covered. Of course, everything on display is harmlessly altered for sexual novelty purposes, but one might also ask to see Sir Robert’s “special” merchandise in the back. Perhaps the most unassuming booth at the expo belongs to Grandma Hattie’s Snacks and Sweets. Grandma Hattie, a kindly old Submissive, has partnered with a tech company to produce what appear to be completely normal vending machines, stocked full of her tasty homemade bread, snack cakes, and other baked goods. Vouchers are good for a free sample of any treat from a vending machine. They taste amazing and have no apparent odd effects-- until 10 minutes after consumption, when you suddenly gain an insatiable craving for a random kink. Your craving will dominate your thoughts for three hours, or until it is appeased. |
 (CW: potential dubcon, objectification) By far the largest and shiniest booth comes from expo sponsors Sexy Metal Incorporated, who have set up a display of their incredible high-tech sexbots. These life-sized dolls are made of extremely realistic material that feels like warm human skin, and come with state-of-the-art mechanics that give them lifelike movement. Engineers show off how the bots can be plugged into a computer and programmed to act any way the buyer likes. They come in a wide variety of customizable appearances and eerily, some of the bots on display look exactly like people you may know. Booth staff encourage customers to buy these dolls, or to rent them and give them a try onstage in front of the fascinated crowds. If that’s not kinky enough, one of the engineers has purchased a VR headset from another booth, and programmed it to interface with the bot’s controls. Care to slip inside the silicone skin of another person? |
Please read carefully. On each Test Drive Meme, there will be a section noting character roles; these will vary each TDM. On an IC level, characters will still have gone through the doors but assignments OOCly are still randomized. When applying, there is a section of the application that denotes whether the character chooses "left" or "right". When participating on the TDM, there will be a third option. Players may link either a top level or a thread (five or more comments from their character) from the TDM and title the link as "Door Pass". This means that the player is choosing to take the designation that they were randomly assigned on the TDM, rather than taking the designation of a door. If the player decides to select a door rather than use the pass, then they are trying their luck; they may get the same designation they had on the TDM or the opposite. Once the application is submitted, players can't change their choice. To assign roles to characters for this TDM, use the following guide: In celebration of our one year, pick whichever role you want for your character! » A Pocket Full of Pennies: Feel free to come up with any free-roving gangs or petty criminals you like for your characters to tangle with. » New Flesh Like A Glove: Characters can spend money on items at the expo, or may exchange vouchers for what they want. Each voucher has a value of about $5 within the expo and they may be acquired by finding them, having them handed to characters/stuffed in their pockets or bags by expo volunteers, or paid them in exchange for “volunteering” at booths. Characters may indeed try before they buy, either out in the open or using one of the provided private rooms with a partner. The expo has a staff of unpaid student interns tasked with cleaning and sanitizing products if they are used but not purchased. Grandma Hattie’s snacks can inspire characters to have any kink you may desire. » Perfection of the Digital: Sexbots can resemble any player characters, including brand new arrivals/test drive characters. They can also resemble characters that yours knows from home. The engineers have no explanation for this, and the one who identifies himself as the designer will shrug and say he gets inspiration from many places. The sexbots are hot-ticket expensive merchandise, so security is tight around the booth. Characters who attempt to steal or destroy a sexbot (for instance, one who looks like themselves) will be quickly set upon by guards, who are meant to eject them from the expo. However, many of the guards will take bribes from other booths to provide them model “volunteers,” drugged into complacency. If characters want to acquire a sexbot permanently, they will have to buy it or exchange a hefty 50 vouchers for it. Please remember to mark any necessary content, and have fun!! |
no subject
After kicking it well out of her reach, he turns to check on the one he smashed into the wall. She's still breathing, blood oozing from her head rather than gushing. She'll live.]
How's yours?
[It's only then that he gets his first good look at her, recognition washing over him like a splash of ice water. Straightening from his crouch slowly, he does his best to smooth down the flimsy paper gown.]
Is it really you?
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Probably a cracked rib at most, but she'll be all right. I can call to make certain they get the medical attention they need.
[ Though that might be unkind, as the authorities will likely just slap them all with a large hospital bill and leave them further in debt. Perhaps it serves them right. All of them have marks on their throats and they will most certainly end up at the clinic's door. She'll need to send word ahead, just in case.
As she rises, she casts an initial glance at Cullen, then pauses, looking again with no small amount of confusion as she tries to work through what she's seeing. It hasn't been that long, after all but still... ]
...Cullen?
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Yes.
[She looks much the same as he remembers her in many ways. It makes him feel suddenly old.]
In the, ah, paper and flesh.
[The joke falls a little flat, maybe. He hasn't felt so at a loss in he can't recall when. What is she doing here? Has she been here since her disappearance? Is that why no one could find her? So many questions, yet none of them make it past the invisible weight pressing upon his tongue. It's like being confronted by his past self and somehow found wanting.]
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Yes, well-- Our hosts don't understand much in the way of modesty, I'm afraid. That's...probably very uncomfortable.
[ The entire situation is now a bit uncomfortable, truth be told, but that's the point. Neria clears her throat, giving him a quick glance over, and finds he doesn't have any marks on his neck. That's something of a relief. ]
Are, ah... Are you all right?
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[The absurdity of the situation suddenly strikes him as funny, or he's coming down from the adrenaline spike and feeling punchy from it. He considers either about the same likelihood.
It occurs to him that he should check himself over. He does so quickly, relieved to see that he's not bleeding or any worse for the wear physically.]
As all right as I can be under the circumstances. We should... That is, I'd rather not have much of a conversation in front of them, if it's all the same to you. They said my clothes are in my quarters waiting for me. I don't suppose you know the way?
[It's easier to deal with the immediacy of his basic needs than to think about how much time lies between them. The awkward kid who admired her from afar and then made even more awkward conversation is still somewhere inside him. He can feel it in the way he inwardly cringes from being seen in the gown. But the person he has become...
Perhaps in time they'll have that conversation. Not yet.]
You're really going to have to stop saving me until I can catch up to you a little.
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You had some very nice footwork just a moment ago. Are you certain you don't want to suggest it as new armor for recruits?
[ That's...a little better, she thinks, but his suggestion that they should get him his belongings earns a decisive nod, and Neria gestures back towards the opening of the alley. There's some hesitation there, a pause before she continues; her gaze goes distant as she considers him, and then she shakes her head. The little smile she gives him is strained at the edges. ]
I didn't do anything of the sort. A distraction and lending a hand... That's not exactly a rescue, you know? Anyway, come on. The apartments aren't far and you can get your clothes. Word of warning, though: plate mail is going to stick out like a sore thumb in these parts.
[ Neria walks with him back to the mouth of the alley, where she removes a device from her skirt pocket (skirts have pockets now!) so she can send a message off to the appropriate authorities. She really doesn't want any of the women to be left with permanent damage after all of that, after all. But as they make it out to the street, she gestures to one of the larger towers of buildings. From a distance, it seems like it's made entirely of glass. ]
That's where they've put you up until you decide if you want to move out and put your coin towards a place of your own, though they'll never force you to leave.
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Maker's breath, I'd have a mutiny on my hands in no time.
[He's not entirely sure what to make of the look and tries not to read into it. It would be folly to think he's as familiar with her as he used to be. He has changed so much. She must have, too.]
So modest. [The faintest hint of a tease.]
I gathered on my walk. I haven't seen anyone in armor so far. I'm not sure I understand it. Clearly, it's not safe here.
[He falls into step with her and keeps pace, bare feet slapping concrete.]
The buildings here are taller than any single structure I've ever seen. How in Andraste's name do they get glass to bear that kind of weight?
[He's listening to her and absorbing it even as his mind finds tangents of its own, anything to distract from the stark awareness that they're both captives and that the learning curve is going to be a steep one for him.]
Communal living?
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As you rightly should. And you could wear armor here, really, but you might want to look into leathers if you're truly inclined not to go native and wear the sorts of things they have on offer. Full plate will get you noticed.
[ And while it would certainly protect him, the stares would eventually give way to something else entirely, and she highly doubts he wants to be subjected to the bewildering tastes some people might have. That's an entire conversation in and of itself, and she isn't certain she's ready to begin explaining, even if he's already been told in one manner or another. ]
You know, I've never really understood how they've managed it. There's heavy steel plating and bars from what I can see, and then a substance called concrete and cement. It's... Things are very different here.
[ At least Neria does her best to try to make certain he's not stepping on anything painful. Poor Cullen in his bare feet. ]
Each floor is divided into two apartments. So you'll have half of one of those floors. [ Her smile is small and wry. ] You'll have so much space that you won't know what to do with it.
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[How worried should he be? It will greatly factor into how far he goes to blend in.
He nods, eyeing the building as they walk. The closer they get, the easier it is to see beyond the glare of the glass that there is also metal. It's still a wonder that neither Kirkwall nor Orlais can top in his experience.]
Half of an entire floor? That's awfully extravagant.
[Says the man who has slept for years now in a garret room with a hole in the roof in the Frostback Mountains. Crazy, or crazy cold tolerant?]
Do you live there? Am I taking you out of your way? I don't want you to feel obligated.
[It's not really at all what he wants to say or precisely what he means, but there's no graceful segue into what he does. He knows one thing. He's not going to even try to have an in-depth conversation in a ridiculous paper gown.]
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Being noticed on its own? No. Getting noticed for being a strapping man in polished armor, perfect to play into someone perverse little fantasy of knighthood? Likely yes.
[ How she's able to say that with a straight face is beyond her. Perhaps she really has been here too long. It's still troubling to her, make no mistake, but she's past the point of putting anything past the people of Duplicity, even if it's seemingly innocent in tone on first glance. ]
All I'm saying is to be careful, really.
[ Obviously, he can take care of himself. Physical safety isn't the foremost concern on her mind...though, perhaps it also should be.
Neria shakes her head. ]
It's more extravagant than you think. And no, I don't live there any longer, though I live close by. It's no trouble, really. [ But that's...not what he's asking, is it? ] Let's get you to your apartment. All of this can wait and...it's all right if we speak further another time.
[ She isn't going to intrude, after all, but she also thinks parting ways right at the door of the building is a bit unkind. At the very least, she can make certain he isn't going to be stuck taking the stairs in lieu of the elevator. ]
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Ah. Yes, I...I see your point.
[No, he does not want that, not in any way.]
I'm almost nervous to see the place now, as strange as that sounds.
[He has never had much space to himself. He never considered it before now, why he chose the accommodations he did in Skyhold when he could have had something much roomier. It just felt right.]
Thank you. You know, you're welcome to come with me. I don't want to chase you off, and of course, I'd like to speak again.
[It's not rushed and awkward the way it might once have been. He's simply being honest.]
If you have to go, there is one thing I'd like to say to you before you leave. If you can wait for me to dress. Ah, just to decency. I wouldn't have you waiting for the mail. That would be close to half an hour.
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You've nothing to be nervous over. It's... Well, you'll see it. It'll be an adjustment, I suspect, in more ways than one. It was for me.
[ More than the cultural shock, the days spent reading up and trying to understand half of what the appliances do, adjusting to a bed that's far more luxurious than anything she's ever slept in before. But beyond that-- ]
The emptiness is really the difficult part of it all.
[ More than just wasted space, more than just the stark color scheme and the vacant floor plan, it's the absence. He'll see all of that for himself, though.
Neria glances his way and, at length, gives a faint incline of her head in a nod. ]
I know you're not chasing me off. I just also know this is...a great deal to understand and consider. [ Though, the assurance she won't wait so very long makes her smile a bit more, almost coaxing a laugh. ] It's fine. I've nowhere I need to be, I promise you.
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That's what worries me, yes.
[It's easy enough to admit it when she already obviously understands.
His smile deepens, something closed lipped and a little bemused. He has thought of what he might say or do if he ever saw her again. In none of his scenarios was he wearing a paper gown or trapped in a strange world.]
It is. It's a bit easier with a familiar face.
[He decides to hold the rest of it. They're nearing the building, which is even larger and more intimidating up close, like looking up the side of a sheer glass cliff. He can almost feel the weight of it.
When he heads inside, he finds it much cooler. The first thing he does is to look for stairs.]
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What he says, though, still surprises her and it's written on her face for a moment in stark uncertainty. But it passes, and she manages a warmer smile for his benefit as well as her own as they head into the building. Unlike Cullen, who goes to look for a staircase, she busies herself with looking for the mailboxes to see which apartment is his to begin with. ]
Do you remember what number they gave you? We'll need to head up to that floor. I hope you have your ke--
[ Wait, where is he going? Neria gives him another briefly puzzled glance until she realizes... ]
Cullen. Here, this will be easier.
[ She gestures towards a set of metal doors, which she heads over to, pressing a button between them. There's a faint beep and one set of doors slide open. ]
We can bypass the stairs if you know what floor you're on. It'll save your poor feet from all the abuse they've suffered.
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[He tells her the number and shoots her a confused look when she stays over near the little boxes and then walks toward what looks to him like a wall panel.]
Oh.
[He approaches and eyes it.] A lift? That is quite a bit more convenient. I would never have known it was there.
[He has never seen one fully enclosed like this. It's a novel experience and a much smoother ride up than the ones he has experienced. Carefully reaching into the collar area of the gown, he fishes the key from where it was taped for safe keeping.
He feels ridiculous for how hard his heart is pounding by the time they reach his door. Well, here goes nothing. He unlocks the door and opens it only to be instantly assailed by a large, muscular black and white Mabari.]
Blade?! Stop now. Stop it. It's all right. I'm all right. So are you.
[He goes to a knee to wrap both arms around him, as much to restrain his squirming as to prevent his gown from being ripped to shreds by his claws.]
Blade, listen to me. Are you listening?
[He's listening as much as an all over, solid muscle wiggleworm can.]
This is...an old friend. Be on your best behavior, all right?
[He glances up at her.] This is Blade. Let's go inside before someone sees him and has a fit.
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[ Like cars. She's probably stepped into a cab all of twice in her stay.
She follows him into the lift, heading up to the apartment, and she isn't certain what she expects when Cullen turns the key but to see a Mabari is not one of them. To say Neria lights up is an understatement; she's practically glowing, absolutely pleased at the sight of another one. ]
Oh! Hello.
[ She's...not much help, because she has every inclination to start to gush at the dog, but Cullen's trying to be the responsible caretaker of his hound and she has to keep quiet or she'll probably just stir the dog like a child with the family pet. The smile she gives the dog is sunny. ]
He's beautiful. I'm glad they let you bring him.
[ That makes her feel a little better about Cullen being there on his own. At least he'll have company. Neria follows the both of them inside the apartment, giving another fond smile to the dog and holding out a hand for him to sniff and get to know her. She casts a glance around. ]
At least you won't need to worry about having too little space for Blade? He can even have his own bedroom until you find a partner.
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Cullen chuckles in spite of himself.]
I am, too? I think? I only recently met him. An Orlesian noble had purchased him and then got bored. He was languishing in a kennel at the Winter Palace. I couldn't have that. Fortunately, he agreed.
[His voice drops into a ridiculous tone.]
Didn't you? Didn't you? [He nods exaggeratedly.] Yes, you did. Yes, you did. You're still a great big puppy, aren't you? We'll share a room, won't we? [Blade barks emphatic agreement.]
[He tears himself away from the joys of giving scritches and making a general Fereldan fool of himself over the dog, shooting her an apologetic look. He's not oblivious to the mention of a contract, just not quite ready to give it too much thought.]
That's right. I'm supposed to be getting dressed. Make yourself comfortable. I'll be out as soon as I can. If you'll be fine in his company, I'll leave him out here with you. He doesn't like being confined, understandably.
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[ Which is said as this giant bull of a dog just goes running around, leaping into the air like he's just a pup, and general loses himself in the excitement of having his companion and a new acquaintance walk through the door. It's utterly charming, really, and Neria laughs at the sight. ]
You did him a great kindness. And he seems to like you quite a bit.
[ If the leaping and barking is of any indication. But she'd know, wouldn't she, having one of her own. She reaches out once Blade comes back to drool and sniff at her, ruffling his scruff and fluffing his ears. ]
Of course, I'd be happy to get to know him. You probably smell my Valen on my clothes, don't you, sweetheart? [ Which is likely, since he's now sniffing around her skirt and her shoes, making a loop, and then trying to get more of her pets. ] Take your time. Let's get you some water, pup.
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I feel like the lucky one.
[His voice fades as he retreats, searching one of the rooms before finding his clothes in the even bigger one. It's insanity. He closes the door most of the way, leaving a crack so they can still talk without having to shout.]
Your dog is here, too? Do you think they'd like to meet?
[He is well aware that there can be problems introducing adult Mabari of different packs. Blade is still young enough that he expects he might not trigger the worst aggression, and if an older dog could help teach him some manners, it would be of benefit.]
When I was young, I used to fantasize about being chosen by one. All the adventures we'd have across Ferelden righting wrongs, fighting bandits, rescuing villagers.
[His voice fades in and out as he moves about dressing, sometimes facing the door, sometimes facing away from it. He's swift enough when all he needs are his smalls, leathers, socks and boots, and his linen undershirt. He tosses his rust vest over it, despite the fact it's cut more to fit over his breastplate. It leaves him feeling less indecent and is at least a splash of color.
In the mean time, Blade dances around her, very interested in all the new smells and the prospect of water. His excited barking seems to say, "Yes!" without words.
Cullen returns to the front with a smile, folding his arms and leaning one shoulder against the wall as he watches them.]
You're good with him. Thank you.
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[ She's already had Wuffles and Valen meet and they've gotten along well enough, but both of them are mature hounds, and Wuffles is older and sweeter by far. He hasn't been trained for war and fighting Darkspawn in the same way her own hound has.
Neria's looking through cabinets for a suitable bowl that's deep enough for a mabari to use for a dish, and she finds one in the back, one that looks better for serving. She fills it with water from the refrigerator rather than the tap, cool enough for him to enjoy, and she leaves it on the kitchen tile for him to drink. ]
I think that'd be nice. There are a few parks here, you know, where they can run around and do as they like. There are some obnoxious little dogs there, though, I'll warn you now. I thought Valen was going to eat one of them.
[ While she speaks, she goes wandering to see what else has been left for Cullen, looking for tell tale signs of Duplicity deciding to be uncouth. There aren't any odd toys from what she can find, thankfully, and she goes to sit on one end of the couch when Blade comes back. ]
Ser Cullen and his trusty hound at his side, saving Ferelden from the horrors of evildoers.
[ It's said wistfully, thinking about her own childhood, about her own travels. Her fingers are buried in Blade's fur, rubbing along his neck and upper back when Cullen returns. ]
I think it'd suit you. Adventuring and traveling, I mean. There's so much to see that I think you'd enjoy it, even with the danger. You wouldn't need to stay in one place all the time. And he's a very good dog. He'll serve well as your companion.
[ Even if it's not likely he'll be rescuing villagers or smiting bandits. ...For the most part. She smiles at him. ]
He's no trouble. Young, yes, but you can tell he's listening. Just a little excitable.
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[He likes the sound of taking them to a park. He'd have to watch him and be sure he didn't get too aggressive or overwhelming with smaller dogs. He hasn't yet seen him around any.
He chuckles at the picture she paints, thinking it's not far off from what he sees for himself soon, if he can free himself from Inquisition entanglements responsibly.
He pushes away from the wall to come join her in the seating area, taking a chair cattycorner so they're not directly facing off but also not having to crane their necks side by side.]
I've done...quite a bit of traveling over the past few years. It will be nice to have him with me. [Assuming he ever goes home.] I feel like he's young enough that he'll recover from his mistreatment.
[It amuses him watching Blade trying to position himself so that he's in reach of both of them, swinging his broad backside around toward him and wiggling a little. He reaches forward to scratch him, short, coarse black hairs drifting down to the floor.
His smile fades, and as he leans forward, it's clear he's working toward what he'd said he wanted to talk about. He lets out a slow, soft breath and rubs at his nose.]
First, I want you to know that I'm not going to ask you for anything beyond just hearing me out. What you do with what I say... It's entirely yours. All right?
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I wasn't aware you'd been traveling so much. I heard you were reassigned elsewhere.
[ He hadn't been there when she'd gone back and met Finn, though she's also heard through the grapevine (read: Hawke) where some notable names have ended up. Cullen and Isabela had been among those they'd discussed some time ago. ]
But I'm certain he'll have time to recover. You seem conscientious of him and he adores you. Has practically imprinted on you, I imagine, but I'm no Mabari expert.
[ The hound is so insistent on wanting to be between them so he's within reach that Neria can't help but smile, though the expression is short-lived in the face of Cullen's own, grave. She lapses into silence and, at his question, simply gives him a nod. ]
I'm listening, Cullen.
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He smiles warmly at the observation that Blade has imprinted on him. If not fully already, he believes that he will. They've been inseparable since he found him.
All right, then. Nothing to do but forge ahead. As much as he wants to avoid her eye contact, he doesn't. She deserves this straight, or not at all.]
First... [He inhales silently.] I owe you an apology for what I said to you when you came back to the Tower. It was hateful and twisted, and I'm deeply ashamed that it took me far too long to come around to that awareness after the fact.
I allowed my experiences to make me someone I wasn't proud of. We were...friends...of sorts at least. [As much as the power imbalance between them allowed and above and beyond any boyish crush he'd had at the time. She was kind to him, always.]
And what I said to you was unconscionable. I've wanted to tell you this for years but couldn't find you. I'm sorry.
The other thing...thank you. I know it's uncomfortable to hear things like this. I don't like it, either. It makes me squirm. [His quiet chuff of laughter sounds like consternation.]
But I need to say it. You saved me from something unspeakable, and I didn't even thank you. You saved...all of us.
[From his conversations with Leliana and seeing the woman she is now, the darkness, the bitterness, he knows he will never understand the cost or the toll it took on all of them.
Abruptly, he takes to his feet and bows, one arm crossed across his chest, fist against the hollow of his left shoulder. He holds it for a moment. It's as close as he can come to expressing how he feels about that.
When he straightens, he's flushed. He's not habitually effusive.]
That's it. I'm done with the frightfully forward parts. I swear.
[Blade has twisted around so that his back is to Neria, having done it the moment Cullen rose from his seat. His head is cocked quizzically.]
woo this got away from me
At first, she says nothing. Does nothing, simply sits there attentively, listening. Her expression falls somewhat into something resembling sadness, the stirring of old thoughts about the span of hours and days surrounding the Tower's condition, the fight through the Fade, finding so many bodies and piles of flesh. Seeing Cullen, hearing the anger in his words-- It's not as if she didn't understand, even if it took her so much later to process that the anger was not born from malice but from the same fear that had gripped her at the time, just fed into a different goal. Save the First Enchanter, save the Circle, stop the Blight. Save her home. But it hadn't been her home any longer, not at that point.
To the rest? Well...
Neria is quiet and terribly still, though her shoulders go up initially with some kind of tension that almost gives the impression that she's...trying to make herself smaller where she sits. Somehow, she's managed to keep his gaze this entire time, though she looks just as apt to want to look elsewhere, especially when he stands and bows like she's done something so terribly good.
And that's not the case at all.
Quietly, she looses the breath she'd been holding, fingers absently twisting something on her finger. At last, she gently says: ]
You...held all of that in for years? [ She can't imagine it. ] Please, I-- Please, sit. Don't do that. I haven't done anything that's... [ Heroic. Good. Worthy. ] It's all right.
[ If it's all right, then why is her throat so tight? She breathes, lets out a sigh. ]
That time was dark for all of us. I can't... I can't even imagine what you've gone through. What it was like to be there. I don't know what I would have done or said if I'd been in your position. You don't need to apologize. I only... I hope that it - all of it, even this, even wanting to tell me - hasn't haunted you so terribly.
What happened was horrible. I'm only glad we were able to save who we could. I'm glad we still could save you.
[ But how many times has she asked herself, what if we'd gotten there sooner? What if they'd managed to get there even a day, a few days, sooner than they had? If she hadn't lost herself to Sloth for that however long they'd been trapped? Could they have saved more?
Her voice is quieter, still, when she speaks again. ]
I'm so sorry we couldn't save more. I'm sorry I wasn't there sooner for all of you.
Haha, I think I started it. Icon keywords say it all.
How can he answer that? No, not really. It took me a long time to want to say it, and by that time you were gone. How can she think that what she did was nothing, that she's not deserving?
He knows the answer to that already. How often has he asked himself that about Kirkwall, about all of the places the Inquisition couldn't go, the things they couldn't do?
He won't lie to her and say he's not haunted. He doesn't know a person in Thedas who isn't to some degree or another. What saddens him is that she seems to be, too, as scarred as Leliana but manifesting it in a different way.
He passes a hand down his mouth, fingers slow to slide off the cusp of his chin.]
You don't owe me an apology. You never did. Neria...you never did. Whatever comes of us being here together, whatever we face going forward, I hope you'll believe me when I say that.
We were...we were little more than children then. Sheltered, cloistered...
[What else can he say? How can he tell her she can't blame herself when he holds so much guilt in turn? He lets out a soft exhale.]
I needed to clear the air. If it was selfish of me, I'm sorry. We...we don't have to talk about any of this anymore if you don't want to, but if you ever do, I'll listen. I...I can truly hear you now, and I will.
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