[ If this had been even a year ago for him, he probably wouldn't have said it at all — not because he doesn't feel it, that warmth for her lodged deep inside his chest that seems to spread outward whenever he finds something that makes her happy, but because he hadn't necessarily known how to back then, hadn't known the word to describe it. The longer he's been here, surrounded by intimacy so freely expressed and practically advertised on every corner, the more he's figured out what the difference is between sex and love, at least for him — and the name to put to what rolls over him, like sinking into a warm bath, whenever he looks at her, whenever he looks at Poe.
Of course, he hasn't gotten around to dropping those three words out loud with the currently absent third member of their back-home resistance, but something tells him it's slipped out anyway, in tiny increments, ever since they realized there was something more here. With Rey, maybe he shouldn't be surprised that it's just tumbled out of him like that instead, and what's more is that he feels relieved for having said it, at least. Even if she doesn't reciprocate in kind, it's out there, and now she knows, because he wouldn't be able to go through with showing her anything if she didn't know how he felt, wouldn't be able to make this some kind of mechanical demonstration to her just to get it over with. If he reaches for her, touches her, there's always going to be feeling behind it, and this wouldn't be any exception. ]
It's okay, if — you don't have to say it.
[ If she's not ready, if she's unsure, whatever her reasons are, he hasn't told her to pressure her into acknowledging it any more than she already has, and when she gives him that answer he nods once, steps close to collect both of her hands in his, gives her a small squeeze before looking up to her face. ]
What you mean to me, both of you, it's more than — it wouldn't just be fulfilling a quota, to me. It wouldn't just be showing you to show you. I — I want to make it good for you. Because that's what you deserve.
[ When he tips his chin up, it isn't to bring his mouth to hers first; he leans in to press a kiss to her forehead, slow and tender, before doing anything else at all, mostly because he knows she might need to get used to the sensation of it first, and also because he's pretty sure they're going to need to relocate. ] Do you want... we could go to the sub apartments, first? There's just the cot back in the office.
no subject
Of course, he hasn't gotten around to dropping those three words out loud with the currently absent third member of their back-home resistance, but something tells him it's slipped out anyway, in tiny increments, ever since they realized there was something more here. With Rey, maybe he shouldn't be surprised that it's just tumbled out of him like that instead, and what's more is that he feels relieved for having said it, at least. Even if she doesn't reciprocate in kind, it's out there, and now she knows, because he wouldn't be able to go through with showing her anything if she didn't know how he felt, wouldn't be able to make this some kind of mechanical demonstration to her just to get it over with. If he reaches for her, touches her, there's always going to be feeling behind it, and this wouldn't be any exception. ]
It's okay, if — you don't have to say it.
[ If she's not ready, if she's unsure, whatever her reasons are, he hasn't told her to pressure her into acknowledging it any more than she already has, and when she gives him that answer he nods once, steps close to collect both of her hands in his, gives her a small squeeze before looking up to her face. ]
What you mean to me, both of you, it's more than — it wouldn't just be fulfilling a quota, to me. It wouldn't just be showing you to show you. I — I want to make it good for you. Because that's what you deserve.
[ When he tips his chin up, it isn't to bring his mouth to hers first; he leans in to press a kiss to her forehead, slow and tender, before doing anything else at all, mostly because he knows she might need to get used to the sensation of it first, and also because he's pretty sure they're going to need to relocate. ] Do you want... we could go to the sub apartments, first? There's just the cot back in the office.