duplicitymemes | let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot

let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot

THE HOT OR NOT MEME

1. post a picture. please link if you post more than one, and be sure to note (even vaguely) nsfw images!

2. go around and rate others on a scale of 1-10 for their hotness. or don't. it doesn't matter to me.

3. discuss? bashfully refute these claims? defend your beautiful face's honor from such unscrupulous insults?

stolen from cuddlecity 'cause I'm a lazy bitch.

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[ he goes scarlet, glance flicking away. ]

You might be a bit biased, Asra.

Aren't we all biased toward beauty?

Biased toward one of your, er, partners.

You're my lover, Ilya.

[ He'll reach up, and slide the patch off Julian's eyepatch. Slide it around his own brow, pressing the dark cloth over his own eye with two tawny fingers. As claiming as if he'd put a collar on the other man, and the way he touches the fabric is a caress, as if Julian's skin will feel it no matter who wears the accessory. ]

I wanted you. Rashly and desperately. Not because of your intellect, which I admired, or your hands, which grounded me. But because of your beauty.

Flesh, bone, heart, spirit. You're beautiful all the way down, as most people can never hope to be, and I could never match. Terribly beautiful. Painfully beautiful.

Anyone with eyes would feel the same.

[ He tapped a lean forefinger on the patch covering his own. ]

Even only one.

[ he winces as asra takes the eyepatch, but doesn't try to take it back, whole face and ears still red, eyes fixed somewhere to the side of asra. ] You shouldn't-- I'm not.

[ he can't believe any of it, that's not the kind of person he is. but he also doesn't know how to address how terrifying he finds the concept of being.. worth something. being what asra sees in him.

so instead, he sidesteps it, sliding his arms over asra's shoulders and leaning down to kiss him instead. ]

[ Asra watches Julian's face, the struggle that plays out.

He doesn't press. Only lifts his chin, returning the kiss. Small, undemandingly pressureless, relenting, lightly nipping the other man's lower lip before leaning back, his hands sliding up Julian's chest. ]

Any redder, Ilya, and I'll need to call for still another physician. Are you still breathing?

[ he smiles a little. ] I'm fine. Just.. I think you're selling yourself a little short. [ he unlaces his arms from over asra's shoulders, drawing one back to pluck asra's hand up off his chest, pressing a kiss to his pulse. ] I've-- I've never wanted anyone as much as I've wanted you, even at our worst.

[ he strokes his thumb over asra's jawline, fingers lacing into white curls. ] Because of you, not because of what you could do to me, or what you could make me feel. Even when I knew that you could never care about me the same way.

[ There's almost nothing Asra loves so much as careful hands touching his face, and he leans into the familiar hand with parted lips, body slackening enough to lean into Julian. The fingers of the kissed hand curl in toward his palm, as if he could trap the sensation... then flex, smoothing down Julian's neck and along the strong slope of his shoulder. ]

I couldn't.

[ Softly agreeing; admitting, for once, the terrible shape of the truth. Whispering it against Julian's chest, a terrible secret. ]

I can't. I wouldn't care if you needed other lovers to reach your uttermost gratification, or if you were constantly chasing the edge of plagues and dangers. But you... detest yourself too much. And I'm too selfish to be able to bear that, to bear sharing space with someone who hates what I love.

It's alright, [ he soothes gently, folding his arms around asra again with a soft sigh. ] It was never-- I knew it from the start, really, even if I tried to deny it for a while. And anyway, there's someone waiting for you at home.

[ he pets asra's nape, letting the empty ache fill him, familiar, never far away, and nuzzles into soft white curls. ] I have this for a little while longer. That's good enough.

[ his hands lift, tipping asra's head back to press a tender kiss between his brows, then a second to the bridge of his nose. when he draws back, he's found his rakish smile. ] Besides, can you imagine? Me, in some sort of-- of committed relationship? I'd never manage it. I haven't managed it. And if I go home--[ if, because he's still not sure if he won't ultimately stay here, where he's almost normal. ]--now that I know I'm not a murderer, why.. I could go anywhere again. Though I think I'd like to visit now and then, if I can, to see how the two of you are getting on. Because-- [ the grin softens, fades, falls away. ] I think.. I'd like to see you, both of you, happy. You're not as selfish as you think, Asra.

My Apprentice.

[ Asra can't trust himself to even say the name; he'd break. But those those words are enough, and he says them like he's never said Julian's name, and never will. With a kind of soft, deep longing stronger than tides, stronger than the cosmic wheeling of earth and moon. Strong enough to make a man commit horrors--

-- or even become one. The sort of mad, soul-deep love that everyone read stories about but almost no one ever felt themselves.

Asra exhaled a breath, tucking into Julian's caresses, eyes closed, agreeing to 'good enough' with a subtle nod. And then rolls his eyes, smile hooked up on one side, pleased and fond and delighted. His own hand lifts to his face, fingertips trailing down the bridge of his own nose, chasing the warmth of the kiss. ]

I can imagine you in a relationship. I have, often enough. Someone who can send you off to other lovers with a kiss and a laugh, when that's what you need, and breaks you just how you love it, and burns so bright with love for you that even your tongue can't divert your feeling, and you just whisper, 'I love you too', face as red as your pretty hair.

I want to see you happy, too. Whatever that... looks like, for you.

Even if it's staying here.

[ the ache is like a black hole inside him, devouring everything else, leaving behind a fragile shell when it's finished. it's why he wants so much, he supposes, taking and taking whatever people will give him, wanting to break under their hands because it's all he's known, all he'll ever know and it has to be good enough. it will be. he'll make it enough.

he smiles at the title, can't help himself. he can't be jealous-- there was never anyone else in asra's heart, and he knew it from the start of their ill-advised relationship. it just.. feels good to know that he has him, that he'll have him again.. eventually. that even with all of julian's fuck-ups, he hadn't ruined this.

but then asra goes on, and he scoffs gently. ] I don't know anything about.. that. That's a tall order. That's a lot to ask from anyone. And there are things I'm just not suited to. [ like happiness, probably, given the way he clings to his misery, lets it fuel the pleasure he feels when he's broken underfoot, when strange voices whisper whore in his ears. .. like love, maybe. it's hard to love someone that doesn't love himself; asra had said it, hadn't he? and he's never been able to see anything in himself worth the effort. ] .. I might like it here, though. [ he does, he thinks. or he can, or he will. it's awful, but no more awful than any other place he's lived and worked in.

he really will miss the way asra feels in his arms like this, though. he's going to miss his voice, and his warmth. ]

What's the first thing you're going to do when you get home?

Might like it here? Come on, Ilya. You can be more honest.

[ Asra smiles, slipping away, fingertips tugging at the edges of Julian's sleeves to urge him to follow. ]

I'm going to find my Apprentice. I'm going to find one of the street-stalls selling blue-tongued skink and eat it on our way home. I'm going to find my favorite wine. And I'm going to curl up in bed with it, and my Apprentice, and not leave for a whole week.

[ no, i can't, he almost says, and doesn't, because if he's honest, if he starts telling the truth, it'll all spill out of him and he won't be able to stop it, or keep this up, and then asra will know just how damaged he really is. so instead he smiles, swift and sly and just a little flustered, head tilting faintly as he lets himself be drawn to follow. always, every time. ] It suits me, doesn't it? You'll keep an eye out for Pasha for me, though. Not that she needs it, but it's the principle of the thing.

[ with his free hand, he gently plucks the patch back off asra, unwinds his fingers from the magician's to fit it over his plagued eye again, smoothing it there. it's better that way, anyway.

he finds himself smiling again at the little fantasy, soft, content for the contentment in asra's voice. ] That sounds lovely. I know he'll be relieved to have you where he can keep an eye on you for a while.

Of course. You know I'd never let anything happen to her, while I could help it. Though Nadia's an even better guardian than I could be...

[ He closed his eyes as clever fingers slipped the patch off, and he doesn't remark upon the loss, only flit a quicksilver smile over his shoulder at the taller man. ]

I'm lucky he's so patient with me, always... doing what I do.

[ Flitting away, never saying where, or to do what, or with whom. A product of being so young, and so attached to the idea of remaining uncaged. ]

You, too. I know I can be...

[ He waved a hand, ]

A handful?

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let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot

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