[And gasp he does, the sound at once pained yet also soothed because that's just how it works for him, a desire to be hurt that stems from self-perceived failures and bone-deep self-derision that stretches a lifetime and yet which brings him genuine pleasure all the same, something like relief. A relief he could certainly use right now and that Asra is in some small way giving it to him--
--it's not the time to think about it. The sharp ache that flares up at the vicious pressing of Asra's fingers gives him a moment in which to contemplate that answer, to try to feel out the gaps in it, at what the carefully measured tone is concealing. There's something there, something underneath, but as has always been the case Julian can't lay hands on it.
Isn't sure, in this instance if he wants to.
It's not a real answer, makes as much sense as anything else he's seen or heard or done today, but for the moment he accepts it purely because there's just so much to take in, and he isn't sure how much of it he's ready for. And so his lips part on a rebuttal of Asra's half-finished sentence, means to tell him that there isn't anything wrong with him, that he himself has just said that all of this has been decided on a whim. But he can't say that, not to Asra of all people, and so he asks something else, instead.]
Are you...all right? That is, um, you don't seem all right.
no subject
--it's not the time to think about it. The sharp ache that flares up at the vicious pressing of Asra's fingers gives him a moment in which to contemplate that answer, to try to feel out the gaps in it, at what the carefully measured tone is concealing. There's something there, something underneath, but as has always been the case Julian can't lay hands on it.
Isn't sure, in this instance if he wants to.
It's not a real answer, makes as much sense as anything else he's seen or heard or done today, but for the moment he accepts it purely because there's just so much to take in, and he isn't sure how much of it he's ready for. And so his lips part on a rebuttal of Asra's half-finished sentence, means to tell him that there isn't anything wrong with him, that he himself has just said that all of this has been decided on a whim. But he can't say that, not to Asra of all people, and so he asks something else, instead.]
Are you...all right? That is, um, you don't seem all right.
[It isn't the question he'd meant to ask.]