duplicitymemes | TDM #10

Entry tags:

«tdm

TDM #10

« « « TEST DRIVE MEME » » »

« « « LIFE WILL GO ON

It's discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit. Yet, solace is found in the lies we tell each other, comforted by the peace of knowing that we're not alone in our depravity, and once on this path, sin itself becomes the lesser of two evils masked in a cloud of normalcy.

This is how Duplicity has functioned since the beginning. The divide of power and social standing is overt in that Dominants influence the decisions made both publicly and privately while Submissives cater to the rules presented to them. It is the way of Duplicity to assign random designations at birth with no leeway in altering what has been given. Climate in the Up is far stricter than that of the Down; violating outlined personas for a Dominant or Submissive while in full view of others is punished by degree of infraction. In the Down, many tend to turn a blind eye to these sorts of offenses.

To counteract the discovery of the Deceit Gene – a natural "negative" response to all stimuli – the L.I.E.S. program was founded. The program had been designed to introduce new subjects to the current environment and test for the Deceit Gene through immersion in Duplicity's standing society. Sexual impulses and encounters increase the chances of detecting the gene within these individuals. Participants are typically released from L.I.E.S. after a year; however, results have remained unsatisfactory and testing still continues.

... and you’re here! Finally! Welcome to Duplicity.

After choosing a door and stepping through to the other side, the first thing that greets you are the enthusiastic faces of people in medical scrubs and pristine lab coats. Their enthusiasm translates to eagerness as they strip you of your clothes to perform a thorough examination—you will be healed, bathed, and given a paper gown to wear until your items can be processed and delivered to your residence later in the evening. You are also given a device that accesses the network as well as the time and location of orientation.

If you enter Duplicity into the Up, congratulations! You’re a Dominant, which means you are immediately picked up by a limo after processing and taken to your highrise. Here, it is two Dominants per floor with separate apartments. If you enter Duplicity into the Down, congratulations! You’re a Submissive, which means you are directed towards public transportation with the address of the motel you’ll be living in. Here, it is two Submissives per room with a shared common space for all rooms.

Enjoy your free time until orientation! Participation is mandatory by all new and old arrivals.

The weather is a brisk negative seven during the warmest parts of the day.

» » » BLINDLY WE'LL FOLLOW

It's time for the monthly Duplicity train tour. Seats are in pairs and randomly assigned to Dominants and Submissives alike. Traveling from Fiddler's Square, the train journeys through various parts of the Up, showcasing society and examples of lifestyle. Along the way, frequent stops are made; a variety of passengers can be seen exiting and entering the doors. A Dominant with a kneeling Submissive takes a seat near the front of the train at one stop. A small group of Submissives board and sit closer to the LIERS at another, all seemingly content in their roles. As the tour continues through the Up, the train passes close to the Market and White Wall Bridge and zips by North Park before heading into the Down and bypassing Red Wall Bridge and South Park.

The train makes a "final" stop at Riddler's Square, where inhabitants of the Down are instructed to return to their temporary housing. Those who live in the Up are permitted to stay on the train and revisit the same locations while returning.

« « « ASK ME ABOUT X

Along with the usual Dom and Sub seminars and demonstrations, the powers that be have decided to try something a little more friendly. After attending the mandatory classes, all characters are invited to a (mandatory) social mixer! There are beverages and light snacks, and mingling is highly encouraged.

Also, all participants have had their clothes removed and replaced with long shirts ( they are allowed to keep their undergarments, but nothing else is allowed ). Said shirts have the phrase “Ask me about _____!” plastered loudly and proudly on the front. It could be a character’s deepest, darkest secret, their most negative trait, or something embarrassing they had happen to them. Each participant is given a clipboard, pen and a piece of paper and are tasked with “asking” three others about what’s written on their chests. Once they’ve completed the task and handed in the assignment they’ll receive their clothes back. Of course, the long shirts can be removed, but that means you’ll be stuck in the nude or in your undergarments until you cooperate.

« « « ON A FLIP CHART

Not into your long shirts? Want to complain or refuse to participate? There’s another option! Unruly Dominants and Submissives will find themselves locked in a private room with a bed, stuffed together into a get-along-shirt. There’s no escaping the garment either, until certain conditions have been met. Written on a flip chart in the corner of the room are the tasks that need to be accomplished to “get along.” Are the two supposed to share a kiss? Sing a romantic duet together? Say the alphabet backwards in sync? The whole point of the exercise is to find that synergy a Dom and Sub pair are supposed to have. Maybe this isn’t the best way to find it, though…

When the conditions are met the shirt is removable or rippable. Otherwise no matter how hard the characters struggle they’ll find themselves unable to get the pesky thing off.

« « « THE LONG WAY AROUND

Many local businesses have adapted to the timing of newcomers, and take advantage of the incoming crowds to do a little marketing. Stationed throughout Duplicity in LIEr-adjacent places such as the train station, the Up Apartments, the Down Motel, and the orientation center are representatives for local businesses and companies handing out free samples and hoping to attract business later.

This month, there’s a particular presence by Harbroken Industries, a cosmetic and beauty company. They’re pushing free samples of their new pheromone perfume sprays, delicately scented and guaranteed to work. Sample bottles are freely available, but some overeager volunteers are taking the department store approach and spritzing unwitting passersby.

The citrus scent is energizing and bright, inducing a talkative state where users cannot get enough conversation, and lose any internal filter for their words. The strawberry-vanilla scent is sweet and comforting, like a warm hug, which users will get a lot of with their new obsession with physical affection. Cedar-sandalwood makes those who use it tough as nails, angry and ready to pick a fight over the smallest slights. The cinnamon-pear scent makes its users feel adventurous and curious, and maybe a little TOO bold about trying new things. And predictably, the patchouli spray inspires “free love,” with an aphrodisiac effect that gets worse over time, unless taken care of quickly.

The scents will wane and the effects will fade after six hours, or after the urges they cause are fulfilled. These volunteers are so eager to make a sale that it’s entirely possible to be hit with more than one spray at a time, so maybe take the long way around these areas if you’re looking to avoid them.

« « « MOD & OOC NOTES

Please read carefully.

On each Test Drive Meme, there will be a section noting character roles; these will vary each TDM. On an IC level, characters will still have gone through the doors but assignments OOCly are still randomized. When applying, there is a section of the application that denotes whether the character chooses "left" or "right". When participating on the TDM, there will be a third option. Players may link either a top level or a thread (five or more comments from their character) from the TDM and title the link as "Door Pass". This means that the player is choosing to take the designation that they were randomly assigned on the TDM, rather than taking the designation of a door. If the player decides to select a door rather than use the pass, then they are trying their luck; they may get the same designation they had on the TDM or the opposite. Once the application is submitted, players can't change their choice.

To assign roles to characters for this TDM, use the following guide: Count the letters in your character's full name ( first, last, middle or whatever combo that they have ). If it totals twelve letters and below they are a Dominant. If it's thirteen and higher they are Submissive.

Please remember to mark any necessary content, and have fun!!

» » » MAIN NAVIGATION « « «

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ she'd know that voice out of an entire galaxy. firm, decisive, that familiar rich timbre — something warm and aching swells in her chest, and it takes all of rey's self control not to close the gap between them immediately and wrap her arms around him. she can't, though. not here. not while they're being faced off by a group of rowdy thugs eager to cause problems.

or — well. they were eager. now, it seems they've lost their nerve. but one lone submissive in a dim alleyway is easy prey. two submissives, seemingly unrelated, presumed to not know each other — that becomes a different story. two ups the odds that one may be contracted, powerfully protected. roughing up the wrong person's plaything is never a good idea.

until one of them, scattered at the edge of their group, points at rey's hip. what's that she's got there, attention diverting, and her hand suddenly clutches around the hilt that much firmer, her other held palm out in front of her. defensively, warily. ]

You don't want this.

[ she did not want to have to mind trick them, not unless she had to. but she does not want to unsheath her saber, either, and risk the wrong person learning of its existence. she has so little here, rey will clutch to her possessions — and soon, her people — with greedy hands. ]

You will leave us alone.

[ Now that the odds are slightly less tipped in their favor, he can tell they're having second thoughts, evidenced by the way their gazes start to dart around more nervously, not to mention the agitated twitch of fingers he can make out from at least one of the thugs. Whether they're carrying weapons is unclear, but they could at least have blades of some kind if they haven't taken anything off a SIN guard lately.

His concern doesn't lie with whether or not Rey can take care of herself but the consequences she might face if she asserts herself too much — because, now that he's standing closer to her, he can see it, the line that matches his bisecting the column of her throat, and his heart sinks a little even if it is a familiar sight to him. He'd hoped that maybe, just maybe, if she ever came back, she wouldn't be stuck in the same designation again, but that tattoo is all the confirmation he needs. If he gets into any trouble down here, Raven's the one who will have to answer for it, and he doesn't want to put her through that, but as an uncontracted submissive, Rey will be forced to face her own consequences, and the thought, however brief while they're in the height of a tense situation, makes something twist deep in his gut.

But before he can do anything to try and defuse it himself, she's acting first — and suddenly, intensely, he feels it, a sensation he's experienced only a handful of times in his life but one that he knows completely and inarguably as the Force. She isn't using it against him but he can feel her using it and he can't stifle his sharp intake of breath as it washes over him, like some deeper awareness he's only ever instinctively known about before.

The men between them still before swaying a little, and there's a brief pause before they all collectively nod their agreement and start backing out of the alley with variations of yeah, we should get out of here — and Finn dumbly steps aside to let them pass, waiting until they've rounded the corner and disappeared from sight before slowly pivoting to return Rey to his sight again. ]

Are you okay? [ He'll never not ask that, it seems, even as he starts to move towards her — slowly, like he's afraid she's just a mirage that will slip through his fingers the second he gets too close. ]

[ okay is relative, isn't it? she's here, on this strange island where people categorize things in ups and downs and dominants and submissives, where everything seems tinged in a strange haze of dreary gray — but here is no less stressful than jakku had been, and no one is asking her to do manual labor yet, so it could be worse. it could always be worse.

besides, the thugs are leaving, and finn is just barely steps away — so by the time rey charges forward to envelop him in a hug, she's already decided that she doesn't care about the rest of it. whatever this place is, whatever the thin band around her neck might designate, she doesn't care.

not if she has finn here with her. together, they can do anything. they can escape a desert planet, they can find their way off of a first order base, they can save the whole galaxy if they feel like it. of course, they usually have another member of their team along for the ride, but she's trying hard to push down that bittersweet awareness for this immediate moment.

she can feel guilty for missing poe dameron in a minute, but right now, she's going to be glad to see finn. ]

I'm better now.

[ and that's true, isn't it? she's always better when she's not alone. ]

[ It's a more complicated question than he means it to be when he asks it, and he knows she probably has about a million different answers running through her head — in addition to more questions of her own — but he doesn't have to keep wondering whether or not she's even real when she's nearly breaking into a run to close that remaining distance between them and throwing her arms around him.

And he doesn't even think after that; he just squeezes his eyes shut so tight and buries his face in the curve of her neck, warm and soft and familiar, and it doesn't matter where they are now or what they're going to have to face because she's here, as selfish a thought as that is. She's here, and as much as he can help it, he's never going to let her go again. (Is he crying? Maybe.) ]

Yeah. [ He says it to agree, but also because he can't think of anything else that better encapsulates what he's feeling seeing her now, holding her; he's always known how much he's been missing her, but it's something else entirely to be presented with her returning so vividly, so palpably, and it might take him a while before he isn't continuing to reach out to her just for that constant reassurance. ]

When did you get here? [ He might just keep talking while his face is pressed into her shoulder. That's fine. ]

[ rey is, admittedly, not the best at emotional support. that's solidly finn's area of expertise. but she is fully capable of holding on tight to a friend, painfully aware of the fleeting sensation of loss that seems to filter between them, the agony of losing something so important and not knowing if it'll ever be found. they are connected, and the force reminds them; flashes of memory come to the surface, mirror images of emotion that only encourage rey to cling a little tighter— a ship flying into the bright sky of jakku, an empty bed, rubble of a ship. some are her own, some aren't, but she knows the feeling behind them all too well. ]

This morning, I think.

[ it's been hard to tell. was it this morning, or had it been a week? she'd filtered in and out of consciousness a few times, disoriented and unsteady; she'd chalked it up, the first time or two, to a bad dream, a twist of the force. some nightmare version of being trapped on starkiller base.

maybe it was a nightmare, but it was happening. now, at least, it didn't seem so bad. sure, she might be sporting the same thin line down her throat as finn, but he was surviving. she could, too. she always would survive. ]

Are you okay?

[ she isn't trying to pry him off, but she does worry that perhaps his echoed tears aren't entirely for her own benefit. ]

[ It's like some array of sense memories that he ends up living through again almost as vividly as he'd experienced it the first time, and it makes him clutch that much more tightly to her because he doesn't fully comprehend what's happening, or that the intensity of it might be exacerbated by the fact that he's been holding onto her to begin with.

He's only dimly able to acknowledge what she's saying and has to will himself to draw away from her, even if he doesn't fully withdraw from where they're wrapped around each other. In the end, his hands end up sliding down to rest in the bend of her arms, thumbs sweeping over the unexpectedly soft skin there, and he nods once in answer to her. ]

Okay. This morning, so... where have you been to already?

[ If he can rule out what she's already seen, maybe he can head off some of her questions with answers — but he also knows they shouldn't stick around here. He has no way of knowing how long those Force tricks take to wear off and he doesn't want them to be waiting around in the same place to find out. Without even thinking about it, he slips a hand into hers, nodding down the alley to wordlessly suggest they head somewhere else. ]

And look, I know this might sound strange, but I swear that it's the truth. I — it's been over a year for me, since I first arrived here. [ Better to just come right out with it now, since it's pretty much the biggest thing he needs to tell her. Well, one of the biggest. ]

I, um. They showed me my bunk, [ apartment, she remembers, too late to correct herself ] And I took the train around. I got lost. [ it was very loud. disorienting. a modern city, she is not used to it. ] And then Orientation, and ... now you, I guess.

[ it's strange — but no stranger, rey thinks, than the very essence of this place at all. it isn't another planet, or even another system. it's some alternate reality stream, some twisted amalgamation of the familiar and the not, like some bad dream kylo ren might have planted in her head to encourage her to expose her deepest secrets.

submit, the orientation leader had intoned, and rey's teeth had ground together in silent protest, a hand curled defensively around the saber's hilt. find peace in your submission, they had said, and rey had sat back in her chair and made a face at no one in particular. she wouldn't, and she won't — and she'll be more surprised than anyone if and when she finds out that anyone does.

but a year is a very long time, really. too long, she expects, to be able to fight off a system that seems woven into the very core of this place. suddenly, something cold and worried sinks into the pit of her stomach, and rey's mind swerves focus, no longer worried for herself but for finn, whose hand is firm and sure in her own. ]

Have they... have they made you do things? With people?

Okay. Yeah, that's — that's where I'm staying, usually. [ In the Down apartments, although he hasn't had to share a room with anyone else for a while, but he makes a mental note then and there to find out which one she's in so it'll be easy for him to find her if they get separated. He doesn't mention that those times he isn't sleeping in the slightly more rundown unit are a fairly recent occurrence, and only because he's been spending the night at Poe's apartment in the Up instead — but it's another thing to bring up to her, eventually.

Not now, when the question she asks him is more tangled than she knows, evidenced by the way his fingers reflexively tighten their grip around her hand before he releases a sigh and then, he realizes, she may not want to keep holding on once he says what he needs to. ]

Sometimes. Not — not always. [ Meaning that there have been times here where he hasn't been compelled at all to pursue the requirements of this city with other people, that there have been times where he's chosen it — that he's still choosing it, for the most part, especially now that they've ruled him a citizen and apparently a graduate of this dumb LIEs program once he hit the one-year mark. ] I have friends here. People I trust. People that I'd rather...

[ He trails off, the implication being that for him, it's better to pursue any of this with a friend over a stranger, and after a minute he gives her hand a small tug, looking up with an attempt at a smile. ] Poe showed up, you know. About a month ago.

[ rey has always been easy to read. she wears her emotions on her sleeve, a complete lack of a poker face always a dead giveaway when attentive listening sways into anger or hurt. now, her expression telegraphs anxiety, fear — but not in the way finn might think. she does not fear intimacy, sex, fucking. whatever it is called, it's just an act. she's seen animals, people, various species all in the throes of it both in person and via the occasional holocaster; she does not fear something so basic.

what worries her runs deeper. finn's easy reassurance — i have friends — only reminds her of her own shortcomings. how few friends she's ever had, how little she knows about making or keeping them. finn was less a friend and more of a lifeline when they'd met, and now... well, now he was more than a friend all the same, part of her heart and woven into the fabric of her existence. poe, too, a part of her she cannot quantify with something so simple as friend or ally.

will she be able to make friends? will anyone want to be her friend, now that the literal galaxy does not depend on it? ]

He hates it here, doesn't he?

[ it's a little less brightly said than it might be otherwise, the familiar tease muted by her own thoughts, but she suspects she's right all the same. ]

Does he — [ and then she gestures, with her free hand, at her own throat and then at finn's. is he a submissive is a question she still can't quite bring herself to ask. ]

[ What he doesn't say, but what she might figure out for herself with enough time, is that he was sort of forced to make friends out of necessity — allies, maybe, at first, people who found themselves stuck in the exact same situation, and it had sort of been an unspoken agreement he'd reached with some of them, trying to do the most to make a bad set of circumstances more bearable. What he doesn't say, but what she might find out soon enough, is that these friends are people he's also shared those varying degrees of intimacy with, because attitudes about that sort of thing here are more casual than he was comfortable with at first.

What he doesn't say, but what will become very apparent after enough time, is that he and Poe only had to draw on a connection that already existed to make the choice to share something deeper — and that he'd done the same thing with her, a long time ago, but she doesn't even remember it now, so maybe there's no point in mentioning it. ]

Yeah, he's — he got into a fight with the guards, when he first showed up. Got himself punched in the face and knocked out all over again.

[ And he shakes his head in answer to her unspoken inquiry, when she mimes the existence of the marks that have been inked into them both. ] No. He's in the Up, sometimes, but we've got a space down here we've been working in together. An old garage. It, uh —

[ Damn it, he's going to just have to come out and say it; he doesn't want to keep this from her. ] It belonged to you, when you were here before.

[ poe getting in a fight doesn't phase her; if anything, it puts her a little at ease, to think of poe with his fists at the ready, brows furrowed as he likely shouted and fussed the whole way down. at least something is still the same. she's equally reassured that poe and finn are together, that they've found some common space to work and rest — that the dividing line of the lines that are and aren't inked onto throats won't be enough to separate them.

what does startle her, enough that rey stops dead her in tracks, is finn's casual revelation of something she has never had in her life. something that belonged to her, something that was hers — the ownership of the garage is far more of a surprise than her own presence, but she has orientation to thank for the latter, their advisory of repeat trials and more resistant subjects occasionally being reset having given her something to think about and hate in private.

but hers? truly and really, even in her absence? ]

I had a garage? A mechanic's garage, you mean, with tools and parts and — [ she pauses, correcting herself, ships nearly out of her mouth ] — what, speeders? Was I a mechanic here, then?

[ and, a moment later, before finn has a chance to get a word in edgewise: ] Does it still? Belong to me, I mean — is it still mine?

[ if rey had ever had a christmas day to compare this to, she might consider this the best one yet. as it is, her expression is surprisingly bright. ]

[ It's a pattern he's witnessed from the currently absent third party enough times already — Poe gets here and promptly beats up a guard or two before usually needing to be subdued again the hard way, but he's also forgotten his previous time in Duplicity each and every time, so Finn's gotten used to the concept of having to do a quick explainer, at least with the parts that they don't seem to ever address during orientation.

He should've guessed that she would latch on to part of what he's said — maybe not discarding the rest, but the gleam in her eye when he mentions the garage is unmistakable and he can't help the brief smile that springs to his own face at the look on hers, that excitement that seems nearly contagious as a result of her learning something that isn't completely terrible about this place. ]

Yeah. It, uh, it was yours. I mean, it can still be yours. I started looking after it when you left, and then Poe showed up again about a month ago so we've just been kind of keeping an eye on things, trying to make sure it stays organized. There's the garage portion and then kind of this junkyard that people come in and trade or buy parts from, but — [ He looks over at her then, and with her hand still in hers, he gives it a small squeeze. ]

You'd probably know better than any of us what's worth keeping around. [ He catches her gaze and then nods down the street with a small jerk of his head. ] It's here, in the Down, if you want — do you want to go see it?

[ he barely gets the sentence out before rey's blurting out her response: ] Yes, obviously I want to see it, [ all eager, giddy excitement that seems a stark contrast to the otherwise grey nature of this place. perhaps she is clinging to this small silver lining a touch too hard, but it's difficult not to after the events of the last day or so, after finally feeling like the galaxy had been set to rights only to be thrust into some new, more miserable plane of existence.

but wouldn't that be par for the course? every small victory has been met with previously unfathomable crisis, from starkiller base to the attack on crait to the later discovery of the final order, each taxing and testing their resolve and their belief in their own abilities. they've always struggled — but they've always struggled together. it seems wrong to think finn has been here so long on his own, managing this crisis alone.

so, perhaps in a way, diverting to her (their) garage is not just for rey. ]

What is like here? What do they have? [ she peppers him with questions while they walk, unable to hide her enthusiasm. ] I haven't seen anything like my speeder yet, does everything roll on the ground like a droid here?

Yeah, it's strange, actually. Some of the tech here seems pretty advanced, like the devices they give us, and they have the train system, but then other things — [ He gestures vaguely with the hand that isn't currently clasping onto hers, sort of to imply that the rest of it is more antiquated, older, not necessarily reliant on anti-grav systems or anything that would point to being able to even so much as mimic their speeders from back home, let alone their ships. ] Poe and I have been trying to hold on to anything that seems like it could be useful, you know. For building purposes.

[ And it's the implication around that particular word, as well as the way he meets her gaze and holds it, that attempts to communicate to her without saying it out loud — at least, not while they're still relatively out in the open — that the two of them have already been working on trying to assemble something that could fly, maybe even fly them all out of here eventually with enough time and patience. But if anyone's more qualified than either of them to make it happen, it's the girl whose hand he's holding as though he doesn't plan to let it go any time soon.

He hadn't gotten very far from the garage before running into her, so it's a short walk back, and eventually they round a corner to the building itself, advertised as The G-Spot with a somewhat garish neon sign, a fenced-off salvage yard visible from the street, but he fishes in the pocket of a very recognizable leather jacket before coming up with his keys to let them in through the front door of a tiny waiting area. It's a straight walk to the office in the back, but the door on the right leads to the garage and the junkyard, and that's the one he leads her to before letting her step through ahead of him, slipping his fingers from hers. ]

Here. It's — well, all of it, it's yours. Or I guess ours now, if that's okay. [ He's looking to her face rather than their surroundings, the strands of hair that have escaped her buns to grace the edge of her cheek. ]

[ so nothing flies. it's — well, it's disappointing, of course it is, but rey has always allowed herself to find some impossible hope to fixate on, and now is no different. her hope and her heart tether tightly onto this shared dream, of finding someway up and out and away from this place and back to the part of the galaxy they know, and so the path towards it extends for her. they'll use this place, this salvage yard and scrapheap, for smarter purposes. if she has to steal parts, she will. she's scavenged before, she can do it again.

it's the sign and all its flamboyant neon qualities that really catch her attention, her gaze swinging up to it for a moment before peering back at finn with a quiet, confused expression — what's a g-spot and what does it have to do with scrap? — but all those questions are lost with an almost immediate stop as he finishes his thought with a near hesitant addendum. ]

Well, obviously it's ours. [ what's rey's is finn's, what's rey's is poe's, there is no purpose to dividing beyond that. (the only exception, really, is that finn and poe are rey's, and she's not sure how she feels about sharing them yet. but she'll get there.) ] I don't know anything about running a shop. Or whatever a G-Spot is, for that matter.

[ sorry, finn. it was going to be put out there sooner or later. ]

[ He shrugs helplessly when she aims that look in his direction at first — unfortunately, he had nothing to do with choosing the name, nor does he think that she had anything to do with it when it first became her business, but for some reason she'd kept it, maybe with a wry sort of humor in mind. But he wants to step back and let her take it all in first, this place that he's just kind of saddled her with; even if she is excited about it, even if it makes her smile (something he's never really ever going to get tired of witnessing), he figures it's a lot to process. ]

Poe and I had it signed over to our names since, you know, it's easier for him to get official approval for that kind of thing, even here in the Down, and —

[ And then his brain decides to shortcircuit when she comes right out and says it, because he knows — it's not anything he actively sought to know, but spending over a year in this city brings with it a certain kind of education over time and an introduction to things that he would never have reason to be made aware of otherwise.

The only problem is that he doesn't even know how to begin explaining it to her, and so she's going to have a few seconds dedicated to him opening and closing his mouth with no sound coming out before he finally releases a sigh. ]

It's, uh. Well, it's, um — it's part of the body. Specifically. Inside. Girls, not — [ He waves a hand in his own direction, idly wondering if the ground can just open up and swallow him right here. ] And I guess it feels good when you touch — please tell me I can stop talking about this any second now.

[ finn stumbles over the explanation, starting and stopping with vague gestures between them, but in honesty, the discomfort goes over her head. rey's exposure to sexual interactions would be hard-pressed to be described as anything but functional — she's wandered into the wrong space a time or two, seen crude grinding portrayed on a fuzzy holoscan in the outpost, even accidentally opened up the wrong room on ajan kloss and found herself witness to sight and sound on occasion, but she's never quite sought it out.

it being either the knowledge of what things were (or could be, rather) or what they felt like. so rather than blush or scramble to change the subject, rey simply shakes her head, because she doesn't understand and while finn seems eager to stop elaborating, she can't tell him to stop talking for her sake. ]

Finn, you know I've never — [ she makes a face, considering. ] What do they call it here? [ sex, fucking, kriffing. it doesn't matter the terminology when the extent of rey's own experience is aimless rutting against her hand in her bunk.

she blows out a breath. ]

You should show me. So I know.

[ fake it until you make it, right? ]

Edited 2020-01-20 20:35 (UTC)

Uh, a lot of things.

[ And he'd probably give her all those definitions and then some, most of which he's guessing she's never even heard of — and it's a surreal feeling, knowing that he's had time to learn all of these things and remembering that as of right now, at the point in time she's likely been plucked up from, she doesn't know any of it.

He hadn't asked questions the first time they'd ever been together, because he hadn't felt like it was any of his business to learn the details about who she went to for that initial experience before they'd found each other — but he can feel his pulse quickening slightly when he has the stark realization that it would be her first all over again, and he can't really bear the idea of her going to anyone else for it. ]

So you want me to —

[ It's his turn to breathe, slow and understanding, and he doesn't want to leave her with the impression that he isn't taking this seriously — that if she's asking, really and truly asking, he wouldn't hesitate to give her anything she wanted. ]

I would. But not just... so you know. [ Because he needs to make that part clear, even as he can feel the heat creeping up the back of his neck all the way up to his ears. ] Because you deserve — because you're my friend, and... I love you.

[ for a long, long moment, rey doesn't say anything at all. not out of distaste or disappointment, not because she doesn't want to hear those words — but because, in her waking memories, in all the years since she's been stranded on jakku, hot sand and burning sun beneath and above, she's not heard those words once.

she's sure she heard it as a child, in those few years in between birth and abandonment, but she'd been so young those memories hadn't formed. not really, not the way she'd have liked them to. not in the sort of way that might have softened the landing of finn's three word confession, the syllables draping over her skin like the warmest, most delicate blanket. ]

Oh. [ she's shocked into quiet — a rare occurrence, to be sure — but more importantly, into gentle consideration. she'd asked, in truth, out of practical expectation. she should know. she should know the reasoning for her shop's namesake, she should know how the process of two bodies slotting together works, she should be familiar enough to be able to navigate this place and the sorts of expectations it had laid at her feet, to be able to discuss with some kind of confidence things like kinks and pleasures and what gets you off. the sorts of questions that had been peppered in between orientation seminars, casually asked by people far more confident than rey could even dream of pretending to be.

but finn's offer isn't practical. it's emotional and raw and sincere, and rey finds she needs a moment to practice the words in her head before she can manage to echo the sentiment back, her voice a little softer now than perhaps it's ever been between them. ]

Finn — I've never loved anybody before. [ that's not right. that's not — she can feel how wrong it is before he even has a chance to react, and she scrambles to fill the pause before it can carry on too long. ] But you're part of me. You always have been.

[ she so wants to get this right, but she doesn't know what she's doing; recklessness takes over where instinct and experience cannot lay a path. ]

I think that's love. I want it to be.

[ and that's what matters, isn't it? what they mean to each other is more than just resistance allies or colleagues or friends. finn has always, always been more than that. ]

I wouldn't want anybody else to show me.

[ If this had been even a year ago for him, he probably wouldn't have said it at all — not because he doesn't feel it, that warmth for her lodged deep inside his chest that seems to spread outward whenever he finds something that makes her happy, but because he hadn't necessarily known how to back then, hadn't known the word to describe it. The longer he's been here, surrounded by intimacy so freely expressed and practically advertised on every corner, the more he's figured out what the difference is between sex and love, at least for him — and the name to put to what rolls over him, like sinking into a warm bath, whenever he looks at her, whenever he looks at Poe.

Of course, he hasn't gotten around to dropping those three words out loud with the currently absent third member of their back-home resistance, but something tells him it's slipped out anyway, in tiny increments, ever since they realized there was something more here. With Rey, maybe he shouldn't be surprised that it's just tumbled out of him like that instead, and what's more is that he feels relieved for having said it, at least. Even if she doesn't reciprocate in kind, it's out there, and now she knows, because he wouldn't be able to go through with showing her anything if she didn't know how he felt, wouldn't be able to make this some kind of mechanical demonstration to her just to get it over with. If he reaches for her, touches her, there's always going to be feeling behind it, and this wouldn't be any exception. ]

It's okay, if — you don't have to say it.

[ If she's not ready, if she's unsure, whatever her reasons are, he hasn't told her to pressure her into acknowledging it any more than she already has, and when she gives him that answer he nods once, steps close to collect both of her hands in his, gives her a small squeeze before looking up to her face. ]

What you mean to me, both of you, it's more than — it wouldn't just be fulfilling a quota, to me. It wouldn't just be showing you to show you. I — I want to make it good for you. Because that's what you deserve.

[ When he tips his chin up, it isn't to bring his mouth to hers first; he leans in to press a kiss to her forehead, slow and tender, before doing anything else at all, mostly because he knows she might need to get used to the sensation of it first, and also because he's pretty sure they're going to need to relocate. ] Do you want... we could go to the sub apartments, first? There's just the cot back in the office.

No. [ that, at least, is quick. certain. ] This is ours.

[ the garage, the junkyard, the office attached — it might belong on paper to poe first and then to finn, but it's theirs in a way that the apartments never will be. in the absence of the falcon or even her defunct at-at cave on jakku, this place is the closest thing rey has to something that's her own, something she can close the doors on and shut out the outside world for however long it takes. her answer would be the same despite the facilities inside. even if there was nothing but dirt on the ground and a slim tarping for cover, rey would choose that a hundred times over. ]

I don't need anything special.

[ it's said lightly enough, referring more to the skinny mattress and frame in her room, but there's a bittersweet honesty to the words that betrays the truth to them. she doesn't ask for much because there's never been anything to show her what to ask for, having been left with no expectations after a lifetime of solitude and scrappy self-reliance.

but there's a smile that curves up the corners of her mouth as his lips skim over her forehead, a trust that's echoed in the simple fact that rey doesn't pull away from the touch. instead, she leans in a little, lifting herself up on tiptoes just enough to press her own mouth against the apple of his cheek, a barely-there brush of warmth that's gone as quickly as it comes. ]

Just you.

[ He makes a mental note then and there to make sure that, at some point in the near future, they get ownership of this place signed over to her too — because it was hers originally and it should still belong to her, even if the stupid laws of this city say that a dominant has to be legally attached to any business owned by a submissive. But looking around, he can already see the places where they've started to leave their own mark on it: a mug Poe had left behind on the hood of an old vehicle, a jacket (not the jacket) slung over the back of a chair by the front desk. He wants her to feel like this is hers too, hers to leave things scattered around in, touchstones that serve as an indication that she's been here whenever she comes back. ]

Okay.

[ Her name on the place and her own set of keys, he mentally adds, when he leads her back the way they'd come in, partly so that he can lock up in front in order for them to remain undisturbed and partly so they can divert toward the other door instead, the one that opens up into the small office with a desk and a cot set up in one corner.

In terms of comfort, it may not be much, and they'll be a cramped fit together, but as far as privacy goes, it's away from any interruptions, and he can't help thinking she's picked exactly the right spot for them to be in, ducking his head to hide a slow smile.

Instinctively, he shrugs off his jacket first, tossing it over the back of the desk chair as he moves to her quietly, and even then it's nothing sudden, just the slide of both his arms around her waist as he steps in simultaneously to tip his forehead against hers, just holding onto her for a little while — and then his mouth goes to her cheek in a mimic of her earlier initiation, one and then the other before his lips meet hers, tentative and soft, letting her feel it before taking it in any direction she might want to try. ]

[ she'd never given it much thought before. if anything, rey had always been a little dismissive of the shows of affection on base or the niima outpost. it was just kissing — just mouths pressed together, sometimes in brief touches and sometimes more animalistic, but at the end of the day, it was just two mouths touching together. there wasn't anything to be awed by, no reason to be jealous.

but in that moment, as finn's mouth presses to her own, as sweetness and warmth and the echo of something settles in her chest, rey thinks she might understand. because there wasn't anything particularly special about it, nothing new or novel in a simple kiss, but there was everything in the gentle way he held her, in the slow lingering sensation of his lips against her own. there was love and adoration and careful, gentle sincerity — and beneath it, barely there, the sudden and undeniable knowledge that it wasn't just a kiss.

so she follows it, going on instinct alone, her head tipping to the side just enough that she can press that much more firmly into the embrace, her arms lifting to loop around his neck so that she might pull herself in. she may not know what she's doing, but she knows she wants to be doing this with finn, and that's half the battle. ]

[ He's doing it all with her in mind, mostly, but there's a part of him that can't disguise his own reactions to it, of how it feels to kiss her, again, but also for what feels like the first time too in how she acknowledges it, responds to it in her own way, tilts her head to let it naturally deepen and then slides her arms around him too — and he thinks he could just stand here like this kissing her for hours if that option presented itself, dedicate his time to relearning the fit of her mouth against his own and all the ways he could make her sigh.

But if they're here for something else, for more, he wants to make sure she gets that too, and even now he's breaking away from the kiss after a moment to gently let his lips trail down the curve of her jaw and against her neck, small brushes there as he voices a soft sigh across her skin. She's so soft there, places where he almost would have expected roughness, but her natural scent is stronger too and he can't completely subdue his own enjoyment of being the one who gets to touch her. ]

Just tell me — if there's anything you don't like, okay? [ He says it quietly, close enough for his lips to brush against her throat before he nuzzles there, over her pulse point, still holding her close. ] And I'll stop. Or go, whenever you're ready. For, you know, more.

I'll tell you, [ a promise and encouragement both, mingled with the low sound of an exhaled breath as his mouth skims along her throat. it's a sensation unlike anything she can recall in memory, a caress and a tease in equal measure as her eyelids flutter shut, blocking out the strange new space she's found herself in to focus entirely on all the things that are good about the moment.

the scent of him, the comforting pressure of his touch, that uniquely reassuring presence that is finn that's always at the edge of her mind, that particular strand of force-energy that ties them together when they're close like this — all together, all good, as she clings to him, committing every millisecond of this moment to her memory so that she might be able to recall it in the future. ]

You don't have to stop.

[ she trusts him. he knows her well enough to know she might be new at this, but she's hardly fragile — and more importantly, hardly mute. if there was some rare occasion of something she didn't want him to do, he knows full well she'd tell him... or make him stop, if she had to.

but she doesn't think she will. she can't think of anything he could do that would be the kind of thing she wouldn't like. ]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject